So, this is really big for me. Unfortunately I have no social life, I don't text old friends and my family is rather distanced to me, except mom, so I have truly nobody to talk about this excitement. I have been addicted (probably still am as Firk) to games for past ~3 years, which is hard to count actually, as I blankly remember many things. For sure I've been studying architecture in a polish city for 2 years, repeating 1st semester, which is one of my clearest memories of past couple years. I had really good grades, were one of the best at drawing on year B) and had really great contact with people around. I was really open, discussed my ideas on the hall with friends, also had a gf I loved (she's really pretty). One time something happened, I began spending more time alone. I felt like everything was collapsing at that moment and it actually did. I can't say what actually happened, but it lasted for couple months. Parents called me several times, asking how are my studies - I answered that everything is good, and have so much work I can't come to them for the weekend. It repeated several times. In fact I was sittng alone in my room, not even talking to roommates (I didn't really like them, from the beginning, but that's another story) One day I went home at the middle of the week and told my parents I resigned. Resigned from life and studies, and I'm not in a relationship anymore (it happened earlier). And there it began. I started to go to many psychiatrists, swallowing every pill they gave me, and they gave me a lot. Well there are many things I wouldn't like to talk about that period. Many things happened. Many things I don't remember, but I wasn't studying, wasn't working and wasn't contacting people. After time, I was diagnosed with psychotic crysis, which is a disorder that happens once in a life time and goes away if you cure it. But it can happen in the future again, which I'm totally aware of. After some time, I finally decided to go through it, keep myself alive and you know, do stuff and recover. I decided to go to university again. I got past recrutation exam with surprisingly good score, got a summer job in norway, which my parents helped me to get, and here I am. In new city, new apartment, got some money from Norway (I was there one month, but the salary is good enough to live for couple months in Poland). I'm sitting alone, listening to loud music, as nobody moved in yet. I'm gonna live with an old friend I last talked to in high school, 6 years ago. I need to mention that the most that gave me, were not the medications, but a therapy with my psychologist, who is a really good guy, is really kind and good in his job. Today I was on the first classes. I couldn't sleep at night, slept about 3,5h, but the class lasted about 20 minutes, the lecturer just did a small introduction and let everybody home. Holy Bane Shift I'm crying. I'm realizing this is really happening and I have several years of really hard work and it just started. I'm going back to socializing, but I barely can pay attention to what people are talking, but I think I will do it. I have enough energy to do it and I'm really really optimistic about this week. I'm not gonna write about how much stressed I am, and how much emotional it is to me, but it's really big. The school time was a bit awkward to me, as it was a really big hit to meet new people in group. I don't know how will tomorrow look like, and I'm a bit scared to be honest. I'm not worrying about class, because I'm not stupid, already studied and understand the topics really well. I'm just scared about people in group and the small talk. There is a free access to school psychologist, but I already finished my therapy and left medications behind. It's sometimes hard for me to meet new people, but generally everything is going in really good direction. And I know I can do it alone, too. I just don't know if I should. I'm still fighting addiction to games. Currently Pox is the only game I touch (I can't even install it rn, just sit around on forums). I know I don't want to leave Pox, and when I have free time (and exactly free, whenever I have anything to school, it's not free) I will stick to this beautiful game. I just understood that there are more important things in life, than playing and have my priorities straight. I'm not even worrying in this moment. This is beautiful. Everything written in shortest way I could. I'm 24.
Wow. What a triumph. I am so inspired by your strength and perseverance! I'm very proud of you for fighting so hard. Even though you're done with the mess and have recovered, I'd still recommend meeting the school therapist. Don't let it feel like you're going back to where you were, just always know that every human being should seek personal growth. Talking to a professional now is your decision, but it can't hurt! I know it must feel awkward socially to get back in the "game" of it, but realize you have likely way more to offer than others and you are worth the effort it takes to surround yourself with nice people. Lastly, having gone through this yourself, you have the unique ability to watch for the careful signs of hardship and might be able to help your fellow man in the future. Do not doubt yourself. You will be successful. I'm sure of it!
Hey, man. I wish you success in all things you touch. I'm glad you got out of your slump, and hope you manage to go through your life full of energy.
I'll keep it short for you bud: 1) Congrats on going through your hardships and coming out alive and well, we are all vulnerable to these kind of things and the real beauty is coming out of these things stronger. Cliche quote, but serves you well: "it aint about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward... How much you can take, and keep moving forward.... Thats how winning is done"; 2) Dont really feel the "need" to socialize if you are not in the mood for it. People while in big groups are generally douches, and you cant really have a meaninful interaction while "socializing" like that. Baby steps are the way to go. I'm telling you this because Im 34 and I dont really feel the need to socialize anymore with people I really dont want to. Just try not to shut down people who like/support you.
only thing I can say about socializing is don't force it on. if a group of people don't seem right don't do it. I've ended up doing things I can't even remember and want to forget due to a bad crowd. hell if you find people to play games with its best of both worlds as long as you always remember to include friends when you play keeping you leveled if it's a problem.
Love you guys. Tomorrow is my inauguration and next classes. Still feel weird and awkward. I hope I will talk to people more and focus. It's really really hard. Especially when the last month I didn't even talk to anyone I know and didn't go out. My desires and need of convenience tell me I shouldn't go to school at all, but I came to conclusion it's just a matter of energy, so why not work on it? I already tried living the other way.
Very nice man , keep socializing even if it's just stupid conversation to get your daily laughs. Recently i tore my ACL and am stuck at home after surgery for whats been a week so far, and even though i'm in decent constant pain physically, the most brutal thing that has effected me is sitting at home all day. I noticed slowly but surely the inability to exercise or meet people daily very quickly eroded my mental health, i began to sink in to depression and not wanting to do anything. (Plus just smoking all day after i quit smoking for a long time) Recently started these pox video project and started calling friends over to visit me just sit around and talk( and play PS4), and already my mind is somewhat recovering from the horrible thoughts. I hope you the best in your journey to a better life.
The way I see it, life is like the keys on a piano. The white keys are the happy moments in life, while the black keys are the sad moments. Whenever you start to think you only want happy moments, remember that the black keys make music too. Every note has its place in your song. And only the composer knows the meaning. Musicians are just interpreters. You'll get through all this eventually, and when you do, you'll be a richer, fuller person for it. Never pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a hard one. It's the hard times that remind us why it's good to be alive. Because we have something worth fighting for, something to look forward to the next day. May you find peace one day, whatever that means to you.
