How exactly is online dating supposed to work?

Serious question. I simply can't grasp the mechanics behind it. I have a few friends who met their significant others through sites like Match.com and PlentyOfFish, and all they ever talk about is how online dating was the best thing to ever happen to their love life.

So, being the curious individual that I am, I browsed through the sites expecting to find some kind of chat room-type set up, with forums and maybe a few personality tests to help with matching. Instead I find basically a Facebook clone with a match making test and search function. But what I really don't understand is how the normal process works: how the hell do you date using these things?

For example, if I find a profile I'm interested in, I can message that individual using the site's email function. But what the hell are you supposed to say? "Hey babe, uh, it looks like we have X Y and Z in common, wanna go out?" Or even something as harmless-sounding as "Hi, our profiles look really similar; I think we would get along well together. Want to meet up for coffee?" In my mind, asking someone out after reading a simple paragraph about who they are sound extremely sleazy.

Then there's the messaging system itself; it shows when your sent mail is read, and when the person you mailed is online, but unless you get a reply, you're left sitting there for days at a time wondering if they're into you or just haven't had time to write something in return. Or maybe they're waiting for a better offer to come along and keeping your message saved up just in case nothing does. Either way, I would be awfully frustrated with the whole thing.

What happened to going to REAL places, talking to REAL people, and dating the old fashioned way? At least with face-to-face interactions you're able to tell what they think of you and if you have a shot at them. Plus there's that awkward situation where someone you're totally not interested in sees your profile and favorites you, or even messages you wanting to talk. What do you do then? Just ignore them? Imagine if you did that IRL: someone gathers up the courage to come over and talk to you, and you just sit there pretending they don't even exist.

All in all, I don't see how any relationship could work online. It's not natural, and it certainly has many faults which I didn't even mention here (laziness mostly; I'm too old to type long posts often these days).

 

Correct. Don't start off with asking them out. Start with a conversation. Talking about what you might have in common is a good start. Keep in mind that women are inundated with messages from men (not vice versa) - so you WILL be exerting effort to say interesting or witty things. Sad, but true. Get used to it, and start reading the okcupid subreddit for tips on conversation starters, dos & don'ts, and tips for intriguing profiles to maximize your chance of replies. It's a craft that takes constant revision and effort. Invest in the process and you will reap rewards. But don't expect something for nothing. Not when you're a dude, at least.

stop being a little *****. Dating - whether online or IRL - is NUMBERS GAME. Cast a wide net, work the system, and you might get 10% replies. Of those 10%, over a period of time 10% of those will materialize in RL dates. Of that 1% of the original batch, maybe one will be THE ONE. But don't be so invested in getting a reply from any one profile. Hell, many of them are sock puppet (fake) accounts! Dudes trolling, people "Studying" the system, women who are "just curious" and not serious about dating, etc. Play the numbers game, don't wring your hands like a lil beta puppy dog whining for a reply to every message you send out.

Still exists, but you need a big social circle, or hobbies/work that brings you into contact with single women your age on a routine basis. Not everyone has the hobbies or work (or school) that puts them into contact at a high enough rate to make dating IRL feasible. And many dudes are just ******* who can't face RL rejection, so they never materialize the RL ballz to go out on a limb and hit on women IRL anyways. Online dating is not a substitution for RL dating, it's just another option. I've found that the demographic for online dating falls roughly into the following groups [with exceptions]:

1. Introverts uncomfortable with RL dating
2. Ageing (~late 20's, early 30's) female professionals who focused on career at the expense of social life/romance
3. Men and women just exiting failed long-term relationships/marriages
4. Swingers/Fetishists/Cheaters/Sleazebags/Sugar Daddies/Gold Diggers/etc.

just tell them you're not interested. stop whining.

 

I had a lot of luck with online dating, I wish tinder was around when I was single.

Then again, its all about rules 1 and 2

 

I think you misunderstood my point: I don't really care if they're actually interested or not, I just find it extremely rude and callous of them to not reply at all. I would be completely find with a "sorry, not interested" reply. It's common courtesy, something everyone deserves. Additionally, I would find it highly strange if someone who was genuinely interested in a relationship wouldn't at least read every message that is sent to them. Usually it takes no more than a quick scan to tell what the sender's intentions are. You can't judge a book by its cover, just like you can't judge a person by their profile. You need to recognize the kind of language they use when they speak to you.

As for telling someone you're not interested, that was my suggestion. I was lamenting the fact that the majority of people on these sites do the opposite and simply ignore them rather than shoot off a simple 3-word reply.

Anyway, it all sounds like a lot of work for no good reason. I never use these sites myself, I was merely pointing out my initial observations. I prefer to let things happen naturally; I'm frequently in social scenarios where it is possible to talk to women, but usually I don't care enough to put the effort in. On a related side note, I find it unfortunate (for both sexes) that 90% of the time people assume the man will initiate conversation. Especially since the reigning ideas nowadays are "female empowerment" and "gender equality", you'd think that more women would be approaching men. Nothing says empowerment like breaking down social norms.

 

well if you write like that people are going to stop reading after the second word and trash your mail.

fake people ruined it.

we see that. however your friends do.

the problem is yoooou

 

Never been on a dating site, for me it would feel too unnatural messaging someone saying something like "Hey, want to date me?"
However that's how some people find each other. It's pretty much the same as how people in the past put small articles in newspapers, saying some words about themselves and that they are looking for someone.

I have been in an online relationship for soon 3 years.
We met in a chatgroup website and added each other on yahoo. (Which we later switched over to Facebook and Skype)
We chat, call each other, cam, watch movies together, play games together and other couple things together. Only thing is we can't touch each other.

 

At the risk of sounding completely ignorant and arrogant, the reason I don't want to use a dating site is simply because, based on my limited experience, none of the girls that I find attractive are available on these sites, and when they are they are in high demand, so why in seven hells would they give the nerd with the purple hat a shot? No thanks id rather save myself the disappointment and take my chances in the real world.... Being on a college campus helps (somewhat).

If I were on one I would have no problem if I saw someone who interested me, sending them a message just to make myself known. It might feel fake or silly doing so but that's literally how you have to do it.

 

I do use tinder but I think that's a little different

 

it is still online dating.

 

Does it work well for you in MN?

 

I find the whole idea of online dating pretty unattractive. Not how I want to get to know someone that matters to me.

 

don't i matter to you boozybb

 

You matter to me greatly, but I got to know you in a series of intimate ... matches. Not just some webpage with "o hey wna seks"

 

People tell me it's great. I'm too oldschool. Also I'm tripping seagulls.

Never bothered with any of it.

 

then go to the webpage and try getting to know people like that. disregard the ones asking to smash their genitalia into the general vicinity of yours


seems fairly simple

 

But that's all the page is there for ...

 

the page is there for whatever you choose to use it for, bbdoll. what its intended purpose is isn't entirely relevant.

 

So you are saying I should solicit drugs via tinder? You are a genius, Dagda!

 

your words, not mine