Basically, once a week, if not more, I will be writing fictional stories of poxnora. Mainly it will be battles, probably some mysteries as well. The first story to kick things off is the one I submitted for the story contest. I improved it to give an idea how the stories will be. The next story I do may be about Ironfist stronghold holding off a draksar attack in detail. It could be Mosharn vs kanen. Suggestions would be nice also. The stories will somewhat follow the lore but will probably stray off at some point. If there is a thread already about stories, please let me know and I'll move these stories over to there. P.S. I love random commas so you can expect quite a few sadly. The nids set out. One pack leader, 2 headshrinkers (one in the front and rear), 3 mundunugus (main force), and a dreamcrusher (special). Crushers were usually not included in a scouting party but this was an exception. They began their journey with an unsettling grin that made even ice shiver. Expectation could be felt all around and they would not return until they have found “It”. The journey was harsh with setback after setback. The weather changing every few hours as if Chaos itself were in charge. Wild animals in packs looking for a winter meal. The headshrinkers were excellent spotters and helped the party avoid most of the danger. As good as they were, they still lost one of their main forces to a cyclonic fesh near Voil Valley. It was decided after 3 weeks of tireless searching and fighting that they would find a place to camp. They were near the mountains at the time so a cave was the logical choice. In picking a cave, there was one near the top that felt right to them. Upon resting, the crusher heard something calling out to it. Not really calling but tugging, dragging at him. She paced back and forth looking for the source. After a couple of minutes with no results, she sat down, defeated. In anger, she attacked a couple of the small creatures crawling on the ground. When she attacked with lightning, she heard the cry again. So she attacked again, receiving the same result. She then gathered the shrinkers and munds to explain her findings. On three, they would all release an electric charge to locate the source. One…..Two…..Three. The crusher closed its’ eyes and the answer appeared before her. The source was located a couple of feet inside the side wall of the cave. After a couple of minutes of the pack leader hacking at it with his club, the wall gave way to ice. No, not ice, a huge crystal. The crusher knew immediately what it was. Crystalizing was not an everyday thing found in the Peaks. It was normally found in the tundra. She began a process of dispelling which would take 2 hours. When she was done, a creature was found of small stature. It did not speak, it did not move, but only stared. After 2 minutes of complete silence, it vanished. The masterminds behind this journey were the shrinkers. The pack leader only thought of a weapon they could harness to destroy all who opposed them. The rest thought of all the new techniques and abilities they could learn from the creature. The shrinkers however, simply wanted to unleash it. The Peaks would never be the same.
You have some grammatical errors. When you write fiction, look for ways to add effect where effect is necessary. You missed a few here. Commas do not add emphasis like an em-dash does. Use your em-dashes more but not too much. For example, you were stressing defeated; so write, "she sat down--defeated," for extra emphasis. Also, lose the rudimentary endings like yours: "The Peaks will never be the same." Your previous sentence was a solid ending. With this ending, it lets the reader presume the impact instead of you telling it to us.
Appreciate the feedback. I'm going to apply your advice to the future stories I do. I do not want grammar to dampen the story so it is something I'm going to work more on.
A group comprised of 1 Outrunner, 4 Leoss Guardians, 2 Bastion Remnants, 1 Paragon, 1 Leoss Druid, and 1 representative of the Wall Regiment (Mosharn) are returning from a mission and decide to take a shortcut through the Black Forest (located on the outskirts of the Shattered Peaks). Taynor (Bastion Remnant): That was….boring. Sheytar (Bastion Remnant): Any mission that doesn’t end in a fight is always boring to you. Taynor: Fighting is the fun part. A mission without it is just diplomacy. Sheytar: You’re hopeless. Why can't you be more like Mosh? Taynor: I'm not as...... Mosharn stopped and looked around. The scenery of the forest is breath – taking. The smell of fresh rain lingers in the air. The emerald green leaves, rocking back and forth in a gentle breeze. The sun peeking through the trees to get a glimpse of the forest ground. The birds chir….There are no birds. No bugs, No insects. No sound. Sheytar: Mosh, what's wrong? Sheytar: What’s the matter? Mosharn (Wall Regiment): Quiet. **The group is on high alert** Taynor (To himself): The runner hasn’t returned yet..... Taynor: Battle Formation A ........................................................................................A...................................................................................... ...............Leoss Guardian......................................................................................Leoss Guardian....................... ..................................................................................Mosharn............................................................................... ...............................................Sheytar........................................................Taynor................................................ .......................................................................Paragon........Leoss Druid............................................................... ..............Leoss Guardian.......................................................................................Leoss Guardian...................... The group steadily advances. After a couple of minutes, they heard a loud noise coming from Mosharn. It sounded like he clashed swords with an opponent but he only carries a spear and shield. Taynor: What was that? As Mosharn tilts his shield, he notices 4 smooth scratches a foot long reflecting off of it. Vicious growls began to surround them. Sheytar: What kind of beast could do that? Taynor: It could be Kanen. Shattered Peaks has many beasts Mosharn: This isn’t right. They are not smart enough to know about military strategy. If they take this forest, all of our supplies and resources will be cut off. Taynor: The Alphas must have learned peak tactics. Mosharn: We have to let our brethren know. Taynor: Agreed. We’ll move to a closer formation and… Mosharn: No! You all must go. There’s no telling how many there are. I’ll hold them off. Sheytar: Have you lost your mind? There’s no way we’re leaving you behind. Mosharn: Taynor. If this is their whole army or even half we will die here. If I stay behind, I can buy you some time to get to the city. We must let them know what’s going on pronto. Taynor looks to Sheytar. Taynor: He’s right. As a Commander of one of the Wall regiments, his duty is to be the first line of defense. We have to move. Sheytar: Fine! Fine. We’ll be back as soon as we can. Just hold on. Taynor: Take this Vial of Holy water. You’ll need it in case you get wounded. Just then, two mongrels jumped out at Mosharn, but were easily knocked out with his massive shield. Mosharn: Go! The group left in haste with their Druid increasing the vegetation around them. With the tip of his spear Mosharn made a clean cut on his arm Mosharn (to himself): Hopefully the smell of my blood will keep them occupied. In the distant brush, he saw a pair of eyes. Eyes full of blood lust, hate, and death. As the eyes vanished, the Kanen began their attack. Part 2 coming up later.
Three mongrels charged at him; two from his 10 and 2 O’clock position and one from his rear. Mosharn charged the one at his 2 O’clock and simultaneously speared him and rooted his shield in the ground. With his shield temporarily protecting him from his 10 O’clock he swung his spear backward with such force that the kanen was instantly killed. With the one second delay it took to retreat his arm behind his shield the last mongrel managed to bite his arm. Through gritted teeth, Mosh used his free arm and delivered a massive punch. The kanen whelped from the impact and then plopped to the ground. Before Mosh had time to re-gather himself, five more mongrels appeared. The sounds the kanen made were almost deafening. One particular sound alerted him to the realization that a howler or two were involved. This had to be an army. Mosh quickly looked at his arm and noticed the wound was not normal. There was barely any blood and his skin around the bite looked like rust. With the vial at his waist, he managed to get a drop in the wound; instantly healing it. He reached back to retrieve his shield, but his arm froze. Ropes wrapped around his arm tightening with each struggle. Mosh slashed at the rope with his spear and in the same movement planted his spear in the ground and vaulted himself over his attackers. With his spear and shield left behind, he raced toward the vegetation left by their Druid. If he could reduce their speed he stood and bottle-neck them, he stood a better chance of surviving than in open ground. The vegetation reached his waists which hid all his attackers. The brush and leaves would part at certain places giving him a pin-point location of the kanen. He broke a massive limb from the nearest tree and readied himself. To the nearest part in the brush, he slammed his limb down only to hear broken bones. Before swinging at the next target a sharp pain erupted in his arm. On the area where the rope was attached, he noticed the same “rust” looking wound as before. Fighting through this new pain, he continued on with his attack. With their decrease in speed and the range of his weapon, the kanen were sitting ducks. After finishing the original five off, he noticed 2 new paths heading his way. He swung again at the nearest but heard no yelp. Almost unfazed by the hit, the creature leaped towards him grazing his arm. As soon as it attacked, it vanished back into the brush. It was visible long enough to be confirmed as an animus.
A group comprised of a Magnate(Lo'mane), a pantier Head hunter(Rai'pye), Mosharn the Barricade(aka Moshizzle Da Nizzle), and Bloodmane Ravager(Bro'mane) they are literally just chillen in the A blackmans Mind: Putty-tats: Moshizzles that nizzle Moshizzle:So then "I told her , girl I ain't never seen no ones eyes gloss like the full moon, got me about to go feral with how luminous they looked" He serenades onto his comrades, almost as equally cat eyed as he was onto his Only and last love Lo'mane: And she gave it up--right man? he says, peeking from his eye to see the look on Mosharns face Moshizzle: Hecky naw mane, she told me that was weak of the Week Their jaws drop... Bromane: Bro Im waaaay to thirsty for that, I would just went and got me a different feline, on me mane Lo: Shuddup bro, your mental weakness would have instantly shut the woman deown man. Moshizzle: So anyways then Im like "bae, I have killed crones that turn phantom, mongrels filled with insatiable "needs" and Alphas who's roars still echo in my recollition of my first 3 lives, but you... You are more bad than all of them" Rai'pye appears from the shadows Rai'pye: She had to give up the booty after that one Ma Nizzle Mo: Yeah no She was strong willed this one, she had a ex boy friend who was an outrunner so she heard all the smooth fast talk, no this one... she wanted me to show that I truely cared... Mosh poises for his epic finale-- Mo:" Kee'dah look, I know I got mad props from everyone in Aluir for smacking some of them stank bihhs around but you--- you got it... you got them spots over them stripes, that fur girl.. look so dang smooth a sizzlechest be trying to wear you, and them Nails, always sharpened on fleek... I dunno all im trying to say is... you actually the inspiration for my victory, cause all I do is act like that fur is in danger and..." Group: And? and? AND!? Mo: She kissed me before I could finish The Whole group is stunned, never truly knowing how far a Leoss, as strong as him's, had game of equal proportion .... Rai: So yeah anyways We got some mogas man... Mo: haha the scouts must have found you.. Rai: well yeah theres like 7 of them not really fair and when you kill one, they just recruit more... Mo: Whatever Rai, yo Lo? you awake? Yo LO! Lo: Of course... Snapping out of his trance I was reading your mind so I could see behind scenes... Mo: you didn't... Lo: I did Rai: Ugh... Look I also saw a couple bucket heads, a fat booty frog legg eating mufo, a Big **** King Kunta Looking Muth... Bro: Shut cho mouf! Rai: >_> Can I finish bro... bro:Yeah... Rai: No really bro Can I? Bro: cmon!!! I want to KNOW!!! HURY HURREEEH HURREEEH HURRRHEE Rai: Something called a "dirge" and a sustainer... Yep. Mo: thats it? Rai: what do you mean? Mo: theres...no moga? I mean bucket heads are scary and all but... Rai: oh theres friggen moga My nizzle... Mo: oh... How many exactly? Rai: Exactly? Pulls out his diary/handy dandy notebook: So I coulda sworn I saw some "the blood bow returns type sh..." Wait... wrong chaptah... sowwwy gentle men... Mo:>______> Rai: gimme a second lemme find where I jotted it down Bro: you really write alot of... feelings in there... Rai: AHH yes the exact Numbers ARE! 1 trigger 3 Recruiters 1 "Body Gaurd of Dirge" 3 Netter (Bro: ouch) 4 hunters (Lo: oh cmon man...) 4 slingers (Mo: yeah provy gonna be needed) "moga with loads of parasites" (Lo:I'd like to read that ones mind ) 3 Moga Assault teams (Mo: Shouldn't be an issue) 2 Moga team 6's (Mo: Still shouldn't be an issue... maybe) and 1 Razor (all look at each other Lo: not it... Mo:NOT IT! Rai: NOT IT! Bro: eh... Whatever...) And 2 Sappers Mo: I swear man... Why is Is there always some kamikaze action... like Aluir don't got people to send to die... *heavy sigh* Soo... That it? Rai: Yep Mo: Go After this Dirge Rai'pye, Find out any intel he has on any future attacks, then show him the pride of a black panther Rai: Wa-Alaikum-Salaam Mo: Wait a sec you forgot to... Rai raises his black panther fist in acceptance of his mission and drops a smoke bomb to vanish into the shadows tell me if they have a diamond mace... Lo: I hate when he does that... like he so juice... Bro: Bro you just satly mane! Lo: really... please explain why I am salty bro: cmon bro I know you since we were cubs mane. You love doing the interrogations... Lo: I hate how we are firking related... Mo: gentlemen... We have all known each other since Remnant Jawh Clawh roared us into our first formation... But today this day... Its gonna suck Bro'mane your first target will be the razor cause you were "it" bro: Bro... I know Mane... Mo:Other than that, once you finish your... masochism with that thing... you should be warmed up to help me kick the living crap outta those lil balls of fuzz... What is left of them that is. More later...
These creatures were faster and more resilient to damage. Mosh knew that his fist or even a branch would not be ideal versus them. His only hope would be his spear and shield. He calculated the distance to his weapons with respect to the surrounding brush. His group hasn’t reached the city yet due to the druids brushwalker ability still working. With renewed determination, he made a dash in between the surrounding enemies. He swung at the nearest one, but missed. In the wasted momentum, the other animus managed to make a gash on his leg. The animuses were not trying to kill him, but to would and weaken. Mosh kept moving; fighting through the pain, and swung again. The hit connected, knocking the kanen 20 ft. away. In a few seconds, Mosh heard the damaged kanen continue the chase. Finally exiting the brush, he saw his weapons in the distance. With only a few seconds to spare before the animus caught up, he gave it all he had. All he could hear was the wind rushing past his ears, the thump of each contact his foot made with the ground, the desperate pleas of his heart urging him to slow down. In what seemed like a couple of minutes, he made it. Wasting no time, he rolled towards his spear; easily lifting it with one arm, and speared the unwounded animus. Having seen enough, the Alpha stepped forward. The Bloodhowler was a massive creature. Abysmal black eyes, ragged rough fur, piercing razor claws. Surrounding him was the remaining kanen. A couple of howlers and mongrels, four more animus, and two lashers. Mosharn reached for his vial, but grabbed only air. Looking to his right, he saw a lone kanen draining the contents. A Pillager. Mosharn (to himself): What to do? I could stall for time. Retreating to a better location is not possible. I guess this is the end for me. I will die here if I must. I will show these beasts the Barricade that is Mosharn. The kanen made one mistake that would cost them. They attacked him head-on. When they were close enough, Mosh took a knee and braced himself. The forces of the kanen were not enough to overpower him. With most of them temporarily halted, he began his counter-attack. The sound of claws on metal and howls filled the air. Animus jumping over him, mongrels running through his legs, howlers aiming for his throat and stomach, lashers trying to restrict his arms and legs but Mosh was aware of it all. The damage he received from their attacks was minimized. For a while, he even started healing off of their attacks. Surely, this was providence. His spear, a crimson red, leapt from kanen to kanen. After minutes of a gruesome battle, Mosh stood alone. Giving him no time to rest, the Alpha charged forward. He crashed into Moshs’ shield at such speed that Mosh had to take a step back. He thrust his spear, but the Alpha easily dodged to the left. It came on Moshs’ exposed right side but was thwarted by the swiftness in which Mosh shielded himself. The Alpha delivered another powerful punch that caused Mosh to stumble. Taking advantage of his adversary’s’ displacement, the Alpha hooked its claws into Moshs arm, bring water to his eyes. Mosharn swung his spear, but fell short of his target. The Alphas’ speed was truly remarkable in that it managed to wound Moshs’ arm again causing him to drop his spear. With blood oozing steadily down his arm and his spear lying on the ground, it seemed like the battle was over. The Alpha paced back-and-forth. Toying with its finished foe. As strong as Moshs’ shield was, he knew he would need his spear to kill the creature. His only plan was one of great risk. If it didn’t work, he would lose his arm and most certainly his life. He began to move around; always within 2 steps of his spear. The Alpha observed him. After a minute of studying him, the Bloodhowler attacked. As he unleashed another punch, Mosh maneuvered so that the hit would land on the top right of his shield. When it connected, he pushed off on the left side, stunning the Alpha and giving his roll momentum. Grabbing his spear with his left hand, he lunged forward off his unwounded leg and… (50 minutes later) Sheytar: Oh My! Blood was everywhere. In the center of the carnage was Mosharn. No weapon or shield in hand. Unconscious and down on one knee. Including the Alpha with a spear rooted in its chest, Mosharn had 30 confirmed kills. 29 kanens and their Alpha. He received no wounds to his back and fell not one time. After today, he was known as Mosharn: the Barricade.
Euan remained motionless, staring at the scenery below. At this height in his estate he could see at least 2 miles in any direction. Workers carrying barrels of brew from a cart, the smell of bread and roast engulfing the spring air, horses grazing in the distance. In his office, broken glass on the floor mixed with red wine. The only thing left standing on his desk is an open envelope. Why now would such a thing happen. With one last look he captured in all that he owned and hoped it wouldn’t become a memory. “Move, Move, Move. I need 2 Defender Units with the Engineers; the rest move to the front lines. Get Tibbs and tell him I want his Axe Guards spaced out by at least 8 feet. He will use a quarter of his troops for the initial defense and the rest will be reserves until we figure out the enemy’s formation. Find out where Limam is with those grobles , the rest of the engineers are already here. I want 2 catapults stationed in the third quadrant, the other 2 in the first and second, but they are to hold fire.” The squire, needing no sign of dismissal, ran off to relay the orders. “2 Priest in the first quadrant with 1 Minister. I want 4 sergeants to accompany Tibbs. Get me a report from Captain Grinald concerning the evacuation process.” Just like the squire before him he ran off to give the orders. 5 minutes later, Windol, head of the Ironfist Agent Division (IAD), met with Euan. Windol: Sir, we have encountered casualties among the defenders. Euan: How? Windol: Per your order, we have a Magister using Unobstructed View but he’s not able to see anything yet. Euan: Arrows? Windol: Yes sir. Euan Sighs. Euan: Must be Farshot. Tell the defenders to take cover, but do not retreat. These archers can outrange us, but they can’t continuously use it. By the time they get into average range our catapults will be able to counter them. As soon as they come into view, tell that Magister to draw a detailed layout of their position. Windol: Yes sir. Our priests are already healing those that were only wounded. Euan: Good. Also, tell Limam to send a couple of Piledrivers to the front line. They can soak up a lot of incoming fire. Windol bowed his head and left. Euan looked toward the horizon. The Draksar have drawn first blood. Euan (to himself): They will reap it 100-fold.
The Broodqueen showed no emotion in spite of being engulfed with cheers from the surrounding Draksar. The only goal on her mind was the complete annihilation of this small town. The High Priest told her what needed to be done and that was that. Euan Ironfist was the only name that filled her thoughts. Dreg (Draksar Lord): My Queen, it doesn’t seem our archers will draw them out. Broodqueen: Of course not. They are small men with small weapons. Hiding and cowering is all they’re good for. Have the archer’s fire off a few more shots then we’ll move on. Dreg: Also, our spellswords informed me that there’s a dome-shaped magic around the city. It is an ancient one known as Unobstructed view. In a few minutes they’ll have a full lay-out of our army. Our forerunners are already taking heat from their catapults. Broodqueen: It is no concern. We outnumber them 10-to-1. The spellswords feed off this type of energy. (A couple of minutes pass by) Dreg: We are now in the dome. Broodqueen: Have the footmen charge. We’ll use them to spot where the catapults are launching from. Once spotted, have the archers use Farshot on them. They can only use it a couple more times but make it count. Dreg: Yes, my Queen. (Myls, Draksar footman Captain. 1st Division.) Myls: Charge Charge Charge. There was 4 Division of Footmen spared for this invasion. Each division consisted of 1,000 troops. Myls knew his division was the scapegoat but it had to be done. In a split second, 5 soldiers to his far left were crushed. A few seconds later, a couple more were killed. Boulders were constantly raining down on them. Myls: Keep going. We’re almost there. With only a mile to go, the dwarves began a counter. Myls saw around 30 soldiers from the city charge them. Even after the catapult onslaught, he had around 500 men left. There was no way this counter could win. On a closer look, these dwarves wore no armor. As a matter of fact, these things didn’t look like dwarves. They looked more like rock monsters. Myls, with sword in hand, swung at the nearest one. His sword was absorbed by the creature. The Dwarven city was naturally protected on its flank by a mountain. The City itself was surrounded on the other two sides by a 12 inch wall of concrete. To take the city, it had to be assaulted from either the front or back. The Draksar army decided the front. The creature hit Myls with such force that he fell backward. Whether it was 1 on 1, 2 on 1, or even 3 on 1, the creatures were taking no damage. Footmen started falling all around him. Retreat was not an option. Myls took out his spare dagger and lunged at the coming creature. Dreg: Division 1 has been destroyed. We have a general idea of where the catapults are and have already started firing. Broodqueen: Good. Send in Division 2. I’ll send a couple of my babies with them. Dreg: What about our spellswords? Those rock creatures are surely the work of their Magisters. Broodqueen: We’ll save them for the 3rd wave. The Broodqueen looked at all the eggs surrounding her. A smile developing on her face. Broodqueen: Lets see if they rockmen can stand the heat.
Tibbs is the Commander of the Axe Guards. Liman is the chief creator of grobles. Windol: They’re sending the next wave sir. Euan to squire 1: Tell the Magisters to keep the grobles grouped together. We need our catapults to focus fire where they are located. Windol: I know they are committed to this fight but sending more footmen is suicide Euan pondered on this. Euan to squire 2: Send a couple of Axe Guards to reinforce the grobles. Windol: Wouldn’t that needlessly put our soldiers in harm’s way? Euan: The Draksar may have more soldiers but not enough to blindly sacrifice them. They are mutated, not dumb. The 2nd wave charged towards the city. Euan was correct that the Draksar had a plan in place; however, it was far from what he thought it would be. To further his confusion, the enemy launched their 3rd wave as well. 2,000 soldiers with no siege equipment, only a sword and shield, were charging this fortified city. Windol: Sir, the magisters detect the spellswords in the 3rd wave. Also, there are a few knights and a Lord. Euan: Have the catapults aim for the knights. We can deal with the others. The 2nd wave is a diversion to hold us up. Euan looked toward the 3rd wave of enemy troops just as the 2nd wave reached the grobles. With the Axe guard reinforcement he sent out, the grobles would be more than enough to handle them. Out of the corner of his eye, a small red and yellow explosion caught his attention. Rocks were scattered everywhere. Then another explosion. Then another. Euans’ elite defense was being destroyed before his very eyes. Windol: Sir? Sir? Euan: Dragons. They were hiding between the soldiers. That’s why their formation looked odd. Windol: What do we do? Euan: It’s only a matter of time before they take down the wall. Our main defense in the city is already set. Tell Liman I need more grobles but see if he can make some of them fireproof. Losing the wall is one thing but losing our front line before the battle begins is another. The squire relayed the orders. Euan watched as more and more explosions took place. Swords, shields, and even body parts littered the once beautiful ground. The few Axe guards outside the city fought with bravery and valor. As he was exiting the wall, one of the guards turned and saluted him. The soldiers’ helmet was the last thing Euan saw before it was engulfed in flames. Boom! Boom! Boom! The sounds of dragons exploding against the wall were almost deafening. Boom! Boom! Boom! With each new boom, cracks began to appear. The Draksar started cheering. More depressing than the wall falling were the Draksar knights. It is said that they are able to cause fear in even the bravest of men. These knights would be high priority targets. Boom! Boom! Boom! Euan to soldiers: I don’t have a long speech for you but only a few words. I know some of you despise me, but that doesn't matter. Some of you think I'm arrogant, but I have yet to met the dwarf who isn't (The Soldiers laugh). I...Will Not Die Today! We...Will Not Lose Today! They...Will Not Succeed Today! Yes, the enemy greatly outnumbers us but when have we ever had a fair fight? We always fight at a disadvantage but it only makes us stronger. This...Is Our Last Stand! Every inch they take in force, they will pay in blood. Stand your ground! This is our Home and no mutant will take it from us! We ARE the Stronghold! The wall finally gave way to a huge gap. Over 2,000 soldiers charged in.
Im missing some power in that last euan speech. Exclamation marks are probably in order when telling your army to fight for their lives. Also cause hearing and stuff. Also, black man's version is the literairy version of räpe
You made a great point. I just changed the speech so hopefully it's more believable. If it's still missing something, you can pm me how you would picture him saying the speech and I'll edit it in some way.
